At Dark, I Become Loathsome by Eric LaRocca

 From Eric LaRocca—Bram Stoker Award–nominated and Splatterpunk Award–winning author of Things Have Gotten Worse Since We Last Spoke—comes At Dark, I Become Loathsome, a grim yet gentle, horrifying yet hopeful, intense tale of death, trauma, and love.

“If you’re reading this, you’ve likely thought that the world would be a better place without you.”

A single line of text, glowing in the darkness of the internet. Written by Ashley Lutin, who has often thought the same—and worse—in the years since his wife died and his young son disappeared. But the peace of the grave is not for him—it’s for those he can help. Ashley has constructed a peculiar ritual for those whose desire to die is at war with their yearning to live a better life.

Struggling to overcome his own endless grief, one night Ashley finds connection with Jinx—a potential candidate for Ashley’s next ritual—who spins a tale both revolting and fascinating. Thus begins a relationship that traps the two men in an ever-tightening spiral of painful revelations, where long-hidden secrets are dragged, kicking and screaming, into the light. Only through pain can we find healing. Only through death can we find new life.

Ashley Lutin is mired in grief and losing the will to live. He finds solace in a bizarre ritual he uses to help others make their way back from the depths of despair. Ashley becomes intrigued with a prospective client over a telephone discussion when he is told a depraved story. His obsessive thoughts and feelings of guilt lead him down a darker path where this ritual is no longer enough.

Themes of loss, regret, death, sexual fetish and deviation twist through stories within the story. I was simultaneously repulsed and fascinated by them.

I have loved everything I've read by Eric LaRocca so far. I had pre-ordered this book months before the sale date because he has fast become one of my must-read authors. Once it arrived, I was so busy with ARCs that it sunk to the bottom of my TBR. It would probably still be there if not for a message I saw from an internet troll claiming something along the lines of it not even being a normal horror book. So, thank you, unnamed troll for being the reason I read it this weekend.  I am so glad it wasn't normal. It's extraordinary, fresh, brilliant, and dares to be pitch dark. Highly recommended... to those who can handle it.

5 out of 5 stars

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